Mum life: “Can I have this?” “Not now.” “What about now?”

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*artwork credit: Pascal Campion*

PESKY KID TRAITS. OH YES. WE KNOW THESE, DON’T WE, PARENTS? That lovely, sweet, ANNOYING trait that drives you NUTS for a whole week, until it is taken over by ANOTHER one.

But there are some that rear their ugly heads repeatedly. Some that never leave. EVER. I’m going to bring them up as and when I think of them. Can you relate to them?

So, what’s this one?

REPETITION. But a special kind. The kind where they ask for something, and cannot fathom what I mean by ‘DON’T ASK ME AGAIN.” “WAIT FOR ME TO TELL YOU.” “NO, you can’t have chocolate. And asking me EVERY MINUTE IF YOU CAN DOES NOT CHANGE THE ANSWER.”

My five year old is doing that a lot recently. I’ll give her an answer, which can be anywhere from not now, not ever, after dinner, I’ll tell you when it’s okay or when you can, don’t ask me again. And she has selective memory, as well as selective hearing.

She’ll ask me the same question I answered five minutes ago. And then again. She doesn’t forget.

YET SHE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO FORGET TO TURN OFF HER BEDROOM LIGHT. EVERY TIME. FUNNY THAT, ISN’T IT?

*eye twitch*

What’s my solution to this problem? Pretend it doesn’t exist? Ignore said child until they hopefully disappear into the floor? Good luck with that one.

All those goodie goodie, never-laughed-at-anything-in-their-life parents will be gasping in horror now. How dare I talk about the disappearance of my child. It’s not a joke. These things happen for real, y’know.

Nooooo, really? How do I get it to happen to me? Who do I pay?

*laughs inside at the horrified looks on their faces*

*whistles and walks away*

Oh, by the way, there will be more to come. I just keep forgetting to write them.

Toodlepip.

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